。 It was over; he knew it; and all that was left was the thing itself: dying。
If he could only have died on that summer's night when he had left number four; Privet Drive; for the last time; when the noble phoenix feather wand had saved him! If he could only have died like Hedwig; so quickly he would not have known it had happened! Or if he could have launched himself in front of a wand to save someone he loved 。 。 。 He envied even his parents' deaths now。 This cold…blooded walk to his own destruction
would require a different kind of bravery。 He felt his fingers trembling slightly and made an effort to control them; although no one could see him; the portraits on the walls were all empty。
Slowly; very slowly; he sat up; and as he did so he felt more alive and more aware of his own living body than ever before。 Why had he never appreciated what a miracle he was; brain and nerve and bounding heart? It would all be gone 。 。 。 or at least; he would be gone from it。 His breath came slow and deep; and his mouth and throat were pletely dry; but so were his eyes。
Dumbledore's betrayal was almost nothing。 Of course there had been a bigger plan: Harry had simply been too foolish to see it; he realized that now。 He had never questioned his own assumption that Dumbledore wanted him alive。 Now he saw that his life span had always been determined by how long it took to eliminate all the Horcruxes。 Dumbledore had passed the job of destroying them to him; and obediently he had continued to chip away at the bonds tying not only Voldemort; but himself; to life! How neat; how elegant; not to waste any more lives; but to give the dangerous task to the boy who had already been marked for slaughter; and whose death would not be a calamity; but another blow against Voldemort。
And Dumbledore had known that Harry would not duck out; that he would keep going to the end; even though it was ihisi end; because he had taken trouble to get to know him; hadn't he? Dumbledore knew; as Voldemort knew; that Harry would not let anyone else die for him now that he had discovered it was in his power to stop it。 The images of Fred; Lupin; and Tonks lying dead in the Great Hall forced their way back into his mind's eye; and for a moment he could hardly breathe。 Death was impatient 。 。 。
But Dumbledore had overestimated him。 He had failed: The snake survived。 One Horcrux remained to bind Voldemort to the earth; even after Harry had been killed。 True; that would mean an easier job for somebody。 He wondered who would do it 。 。 。 Ron and Hermione would know what needed to be done; of course 。 。 。 That would have been why Dumbledore wanted him to confide in two others 。 。 。 so that if he fulfilled his true destiny a little early; they could carry on 。 。 。
Like rain on a cold window; these thoughts pattered against the hard surface of the incontrovertible truth; which was that he must die。 iI must diei。 It must end。
Ron and Hermione seemed a long way away; in a far…off country; he felt as though he had parted from them long ago。 There would be no good…byes and no explanations; he was determined of that。 This was a journey they could not take together; and the attempts they would make to stop him would waste valuable time。 He looked down at the battered gold watch he had received on his seventeenth birthday。 Nearly half of the hour allotted by Voldemort for his surrender had elapsed。
He stood up。 His heart was leaping against his ribs like a frantic bird。 Perhaps it knew it had little time left; perhaps it was determined to fulfill a lifetime's beats before the end。 He did not look back as he closed the office door。
The castle was empty。 He felt ghostly striding through it alone; as if he had already died。 The portrait people were still missing from their frames; the whole place was eerily still; as if all its remaining lifeblood were concentrated in the Great Hall where the dead and the mourners were crammed。
Harry pulled the Invisibility Cloak over himself and descended through the floors; at last walking down the marble staircase into the entrance hall。 Perhaps some tiny part of
him hoped to be sensed; to be seen; to be stopped; but the Cloak was; as ever; impenetrable; perfect; and he reached the front doors easily。
Then Neville nearly walked into him。 He was one half of a pair that was carrying a body in from the grounds。 Harry glanced down and felt another dull blow to his stomach: Colon Creevey; though underage; must have sneaked back just as Malfoy; Crabbe; and Goyle had done。 He was tiny in death。
〃You know what? I can manage him alone; Neville;〃 said Oliver Wood; and he heaved Colin over his shoulder in a fireman's lift and carried him into the Great Hall。
Neville leaned against the door frame for a moment and wiped his forehead with the back of his hand。 He looked like an old man。 Then he set off on the steps again into the darkness to recover more bodies。
Harry took one glance back at the entrance of the Great Hall。 People were moving around; trying to fort each other; drinking; kneeling beside the dead; but he could not see any of the people he loved; no hint of Hermione; Ron; Ginny; or any of the other Weasleys; no Luna。 He felt he would have given all the time remaining to him for just one last look at them; but then; would he ever have the strength to stop looking? It was better like this。
He moved down the steps and out into the darkness。 It was nearly four in the morning; and the deathly stillness of the grounds felt as though they were holding their breath; waiting to see whether he could do what he must。
Harry moved toward Neville; who was bending over another body。
〃Neville。〃
〃Blimey; Harry; you nearly gave me heart failure!〃
Harry had pulled off the Cloak: The idea had e to him out of nowhere; born out of a desire to make absolutely sure。
〃Where are you going; alone?〃 Neville asked suspiciously。
〃It's all part of the plan;〃 said Harry。 〃There's someting I've got to do。 Listen a150a150 Neville a150a150〃
〃Harry!〃 Neville looked suddenly scared。 〃Harry; you're not thinking of handing yourself over?〃
〃No;〃 Harry lied easily。 〃'Course not 。 。 。 this is something else。 But I might be out of sight for a while。 You know Voldemort's snake。 Neville? He's got a huge snake 。 。 。 Calls it Nagini 。 。 。〃
〃I've heard; yeah 。 。 。 What about it?〃
〃It's got to be killed。 Ron and Hermione know that; but just in case they a150a150〃
The awfulness of that possibility smothered him for a moment; made it impossible to keep talking。 But he pulled himself together again: This was crucial; he must be like Dumbledore; keep a cool head; make sure there were backups; others to carry on。 Dumbledore had died knowing that three people still knew about the Horcruxes; now Neville would take Harry's place: There would still be three in the secret。
〃Just in case they're a150a150 busy a150a150 and you get the chance a150a150〃
〃Kill the snake?〃
〃Kill the snake;〃 Harry repeated。
〃All right; Harry。 You're okay; are you?〃
〃I'm fine。 Thanks; Neville。〃
But Neville seized his wrist as Harry made to move on。
〃We're all going to keep fighting; Harry。 You know that?〃
〃Yeah; I a150a150〃
The suffocating feeling extinguished the end of the sentence; h