than a vague； general statement made to fill a blank space while
she was tending to her roll。 “I’m fine。”
Esther brought out the duck and the acorn squash soufflé and the
wilted chard and the lingonberry sauce； and the table was filled with
the sound of clanking plates and silver and murmurs of “delicious。”
Blair heaped her plate high with food and attacked it as if she
hadn’t eaten in weeks。 She didn’t care if she made herself sick； as
long as she didn’t have to talk to Serena。
“Whoa；” Serena said； watching Blair stuff her face。 “You must be
hungry。”
Blair nodded and shoveled a forkful of chard into her mouth。 She
washed it down with a gulp of wine。 “I’m starving；” she said。
“So； Serena；” Cyrus Rose called down from the head of the table。
“Tell me about France。 Your mother says you were in the South of
France this summer。 Is it true the French girls don’t wear tops on the
beach？”
“Yes； it’s true；” Serena said。 She raised one eyebrow playfully。 “But
it’s not just the French girls。 I never wore a top down there； either。
How else could I get a decent tan？”
Blair gagged on an enormous bite of soufflé and spat it into her
wine。 It floated on the surface of the crimson liquid like a soggy
dumpling until Esther whisked it away and brought her a clean
glass。
No one noticed。 Serena had the table’s attention； and she kept her
audience captive with stories of her travels in Europe right through
dessert。 When Blair had finished her second plate of duck； she ate a
huge bowl full of chocolate…laced tapioca pudding； tuning out
Serena’s voice as she spooned it into her mouth。 Finally her
stomach rebelled； and she shot up suddenly； scraping her chair
back and running down the hall to her bedroom； straight into its
adjoining bathroom。
“Blair？” Serena called after her。 She stood up。 “Excuse me；” she
said； and hurried away to see what was the matter。 She didn’t have
to move that fast； Blair wasn’t going anywhere。
When Chuck saw Blair get up from the table； and then Serena； he
nodded knowingly and nudged Isabel with his elbow。 “Blair’s getting
the dirt；” he whispered。 “Fucking awesome。”
Nate watched the two girls flee the table with a mounting sense of
unease。 He was pretty sure the only thing girls talked about in the
bathroom was sex。
And mostly； he’d be right。
Blair kneeled over the toilet and stuck her middle finger as far down
her throat as it would go。 Her eyes began to tear and then her
stomach convulsed。 She’d done this before； many times。 It was
disgusting and horrible； and she knew she shouldn’t do it； but at
least she’d feel better when it was over。
The door to her bathroom was only half closed； and Serena could
hear her friend retching inside。
“Blair； it’s me；” Serena said quietly。 “Are you okay？”
“I’ll be out in a minute；” Blair snapped； wiping her mouth。 She stood
up and flushed the toilet。
Serena pushed the door open and Blair turned and glared at her。
“I’m fine；” Blair said。 “Really。”
Serena put the lid down on the toilet seat and sat down。 “Oh； don’t
be such a bitch； Blair；” she said； exasperated。 “What’s the deal？ It’s
me； remember？ We know everything about each other。”
Blair reached for her toothbrush and toothpaste。 “We used to；” she
said and began brushing her teeth furiously。 She spat out a wad of
green foam。 “When was the last time we talked； anyway？ Like； the
summer before last？”
Serena looked down at her scuffed brown leather boots。 “I know。 I’m
sorry。 I suck；” she said。
Blair rinsed her toothbrush off and stuck it back in the holder。 She
stared at her reflection in the bathroom mirror。 “Well； you missed a
lot；” she said； wiping a smudge of mascara from beneath her eye
with the tip of her pinky。 “I mean； last year was really 。 。 。 different。”
She’d been about to say “hard；” but “hard” made her sound like a
victim。 Like she’d barely survived without Serena around。
“Different” was better。
Blair glanced down at Serena sitting on the toilet； with a sudden
sense of power。 “Nate and I have bee really close； you know。
We tell each other everything。”
Yeah； right。
The two girls eyed each other warily for a moment。 Then Serena
shrugged。 “Well don’t worry about me and Nate；” she said。 “We’re
just friends； you know that。 And besides； I’m tired of boys。”
The corners of Blair’s mouth curled up。 Serena obviously wanted
her to ask why； why was she tired of boys？ But Blair wasn’t going to
give her the satisfaction。 She tugged her sweater down and glanced
at her reflection one more time。 “I’ll see you back in there；” she
said； and abruptly left the bathroom。
Shit； Serena thought； but she stayed where she was。 It was no use
going after Blair now； while she was obviously in such a crappy
mood。 Things would be better tomorrow at school。 She and Blair
would have one of their famous heart…to…hearts in the lunchroom
over lemon yogurts and romaine lettuce。 It wasn’t like they could
just stop being friends。
Serena stood up and examined her eyebrows in the bathroom
mirror； using Blair’s tweezers to pluck a few stray hairs。 She pulled
a tube of Urban Decay Gash lip gloss from her pocket and smeared
another layer on her lips。 Then she picked up Blair’s hairbrush and
began brushing her hair。 Finally； she peed and rejoined the dinner
party； forgetting her lip gloss on Blair’s sink。
When Serena sat down； Blair was eating her second helping of
pudding； and Nate was drawing a small…scale picture of his kick…ass
sailboat for Cyrus on the back of a matchbook。 Across the table
Chuck raised his wine glass to clink it with Serena’s。 She had no
idea what she was toasting； but she was always up for anything。
Disclaimer： All the real names of places； people； and events havebeen altered or abbreviated to protect the innocent。 Namely； me。
hey people！
S SEEN DEALING ON STEPS OF MET
Well； we’re certainly off to a good start。 You sent me tons of e…mail；
and I had the best time reading it all。 Thanks so much。 Doesn’t it
feel good to be bad？
Your E…Mail
hey gossip girl； i heard about a girl up in New Hampshire who the
police found naked a field； with a bunch of dead chickens。 ew。 they
thought she was into some kind of voodoo shit or something。 do you
think that was S ？ i mean it sounds like her； right？ l8ter。 –catee3
Dear Catee3；I don’t know； but I wouldn’t be surprised。 S is a big fan
of chickens。 Once； in the park； I saw her eat a whole bucket of fried
chicken without stopping for air。 But supposedly she’d been hitting
the bong pretty heavily that day。—GG
Dear GG；My name starts with S and I have blond hair！！！ I also just
came back from boarding school to my old school in NYC。 I was just
so sick of all the rules； like no drinking or smoking or boys in your
room。 ：（ Anyway； I have my own apartment now and I’m having a
party next Saturday—wanna e？ ：…）—S969
Dear S969； The S I’m writing about still lives with her parents like
most of us seventeen…year…olds； you lucky bitch。 —GG
whatsup； gossip girl？ la