《屋顶间的哲学家_梭维斯特》

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屋顶间的哲学家_梭维斯特- 第25节


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ontostoopandtakeitupagain;andinsensiblyoverebytheluxuryofthesilence;thesubduedlight;andthewarmth;ifellasleep。

    iremainedforsometimelostinthesortofinsensibilitybelongingtoafirstsleep;atlastsomevagueandbrokensensationscameoverme。

    itseemedtomethatthedaygrewdarker;thattheairbecamecolder。

    ihalfperceivedbushescoveredwiththescarletberrieswhichforetelltheingofwinter。iwalkedonadrearyroad;borderedhereandtherewithjuniper…treeswhitewithfrost。thenthescenesuddenlychanged。

    iwasinthediligence;thecoldwindshookthedoorsandwindows;thetrees;loadedwithsnow;passedbylikeghosts;invainithrustmybenumbedfeetintothecrushedstraw。atlastthecarriagestopped;and;byoneofthosestageeffectssomoninsleep;ifoundmyselfaloneinabarn;withoutafireplace;andopentothewindsonallsides。isawagainmymothersgentleface;knownonlytomeinmyearlychildhood;thenobleandsterncountenanceofmyfather;thelittlefairheadofmysister;whowastakenfromusattenyearsold;allmydeadfamilylivedagainaroundme;theywerethere;exposedtothebitingsofthecoldandtothepangsofhunger。mymotherprayedbytheresignedoldman;andmysister;rolleduponsomeragsofwhichtheyhadmadeherabed;weptinsilence;andheldhernakedfeetinherlittlebluehands。

    itwasapagefromthebookihadjustreadtransferredintomyownexistence。

    myheartwasoppressedwithinexpressibleanguish。crouchedinacorner;withmyeyesfixeduponthisdismalpicture;ifeltthecoldslowlycreepinguponme;andisaidtomyselfwithbitterness:

    〃letusdie;sincepovertyisadungeonguardedbysuspicion;apathy;andcontempt;andfromwhichitisvaintotrytoescape;letusdie;sincethereisnoplaceforusatthebanquetoftheliving!〃

    anditriedtorisetojoinmymotheragain;andtowaitatherfeetforthehourofrelease。

    thiseffortdispelledmydream;andiawokewithastart。

    ilookedaroundme;mylampwasexpiring;thefireinmystoveextinguished;andmyhalf…openeddoorwaslettinginanicywind。

    igotup;withashiver;toshutanddouble…lockit;thenimadeforthealcove;andwenttobedinhaste。

    butthecoldkeptmeawakealongtime;andmythoughtscontinuedtheinterrupteddream。

    thepicturesihadlatelyaccusedofexaggerationnowseemedbutatoofaithfulrepresentationofreality;andiwenttosleepwithoutbeingabletorecovermyoptimism鈥斺�攐rmywarmth。

    thusdidacoldstoveandabadlycloseddooraltermypointofview。

    allwentwellwhenmybloodcirculatedproperly;alllookedgloomywhenthecoldlaidholdonme。

    thisremindsmeofthestoryoftheduchesswhowasobligedtopayavisittotheneighboringconventonawintersday。theconventwaspoor;therewasnowood;andthemonkshadnothingbuttheirdisciplineandtheardoroftheirprayerstokeepoutthecold。theduchess;whowasshiveringwithcold;returnedhome;greatlypityingthepoormonks。

    whiletheservantsweretakingoffhercloakandaddingtwomorelogstoherfire;shecalledhersteward;whomsheorderedtosendsomewoodtotheconventimmediately。shethenhadhercouchmovedclosetothefireside;thewarmthofwhichsoonrevivedher。therecollectionofwhatshehadjustsufferedwasspeedilylostinherpresentfort;whenthestewardcameinagaintoaskhowmanyloadsofwoodhewastosend。

    〃oh!youmaywait;〃saidthegreatladycarelessly;〃theweatherisverymuchmilder。〃

    thus;mansjudgmentsareformedlessfromreasonthanfromsensation;andassensationestohimfromtheoutwardworld;sohefindshimselfmoreorlessunderitsinfluence;bylittleandlittleheimbibesaportionofhishabitsandfeelingsfromit。

    itisnot;then;withoutcausethat;whenwewishtojudgeofastrangerbeforehand;welookforindicationsofhischaracterinthecircumstanceswhichsurroundhim。thethingsamongwhichwelivearenecessarilymadetotakeourimage;andweunconsciouslyleaveinthemathousandimpressionsofourminds。aswecanjudgebyanemptybedoftheheightandattitudeofhimwhohassleptinit;sotheabodeofeverymandiscoverstoacloseobservertheextentofhisintelligenceandthefeelingsofhisheart。bernardindest…pierrehasrelatedthestoryofayounggirlwhorefusedasuitorbecausehewouldneverhaveflowersordomesticanimalsinhishouse。perhapsthesentencewassevere;butnotwithoutreason。wemaypresumethatamaninsensibletobeautyandtohumbleaffectionmustbeillpreparedtofeeltheenjoymentsofahappymarriage。

    14th;sevenoclockp。m鈥斺�攖hismorning;asiwasopeningmyjournaltowrite;ihadavisitfromouroldcashier。

    hissightisnotsogoodasitwas;hishandbeginstoshake;andtheworkhewasabletodoformerlyisnowbeingsomewhatlaborioustohim。ihadundertakentowriteoutsomeofhispapers;andhecameforthoseihadfinished。

    weconversedalongtimebythestove;whilehewasdrinkingacupofcoffeewhichimadehimtake。

    m。rateauisasensibleman;whohasobservedmuchandspeakslittle;sothathehasalwayssomethingtosay。

    whilelookingovertheaccountsihadpreparedforhim;hislookfelluponmyjournal;andiwasobligedtoacknowledgethatinthiswayiwroteadiaryofmyactionsandthoughtseveryeveningforprivateuse。

    fromonethingtoanother;ibeganspeakingtohimofmydreamthedaybefore;andmyreflectionsabouttheinfluenceofoutwardobjectsuponourordinarysentiments。hesmiled。

    〃ah!you;too;havemysuperstitions;〃hesaid;quietly。〃ihavealwaysbelieved;likeyou;thatyoumayknowthegamebythelair:itisonlynecessarytohavetactandexperience;butwithoutthemwemitourselvestomanyrashjudgments。formypart。ihavebeenguiltyofthismorethanonce;butsometimesihavealsodrawnarightconclusion。

    irecollectespeciallyanadventurewhichgoesasfarbackasthefirstyearsofmyyouth鈥斺�敗�

    hestopped。ilookedathimasifiwaitedforhisstory;andhetolditmeatonce。

    atthistimehewasstillbutthirdclerktoanattorneyatorleans。hismasterhadsenthimtomontargisondifferentaffairs;andheintendedtoreturninthediligencethesameevening;afterhavingreceivedtheamountofabillataneighboringtown;buttheykepthimatthedebtorshouse;andwhenhewasabletosetoutthedayhadalreadyclosed。

    fearingnottobeabletoreachmontargisingoodtime;hetookacrossroadtheypointedouttohim。unfortunatelythefogincreased;nostarwasvisibleintheheavens;andthedarknessbecamesogreatthathelosthisroad。hetriedtoretracehissteps;passedtwentyfootpaths;andatlastwaspletelyastray。

    afterthevexationoflosinghisplaceinthediligence;camethefeelingofuneasinessastohissituation。hewasalone;onfoot;lostinaforest;withoutanymeansoffindinghisrightroadagain;andwithaconsiderablesumofmoneyabouthim;forwhichhewasresponsible。hisanxietywasincreasedbyhisinexperience。theideaofaforestwasconnectedinhismindwithsomanyadventuresofrobberyandmurder;thatheexpectedsomefatalencountereveryinstant。

    tosaythetruth;hissituationwasnotencouraging。theplacewasnotconsideredsafe;andforsometimepasttherehadbeenrumorsofthesuddendisappearanceofseveralhorse…dealers;thoughtherewasnotraceofanycrimehavingbeenmitted。

    ouryoungtraveller;withhiseyesstaringforward;andhisearslistening;followedafootpathwhichhesupposedmighttakehimtosomehouseorroad;butwoodsalwayssucceededtowoods。atlastheperceivedalightatadistance;andinaquarterofanhourhereachedthehighroad。

    asinglehouse;thelightfromwhichhadattractedhim;appearedatalittledistance。hewasgoingtowardtheentrancegateofthecourtyard;whenthetrotofahorsemadehimturnhishead。amanonhorsebackhadjustappearedattheturningoftheroad;andinaninstantwasclosetohim。

    thefirstwordsheaddressedtotheyoungmanshowedhimtobethefarmerhimself。herelatedhowhehadlosthimself;andlearnedfromthecountrymanthathewasontheroadtopithiviers。montargiswasthreeleaguesbehindhim。

    thefoghadinsensiblychangedintoadrizzlingrain;whichwasbeginningtowettheyoungclerkthrough;heseemedafraidofthedistancehehadstilltogo;andthehorseman;whosawhishesitation;invitedhi
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