《屋顶间的哲学家_梭维斯特》

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屋顶间的哲学家_梭维斯特- 第27节


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alone;withoutwomentolovethem;withoutchildrentosoftenthem;andwithoutgodtomakethemthinkofheaven;alwaysturnintowildbeasts;yousee;soonemorningtheeldestson;whohadbeendrinkingtoomuchbrandy;wouldnotharnesstheplow…horses;hisfatherstruckhimwithhiswhip;andtheson;whowasmaddrunk;shothimdeadwithhisgun。〃

    16th;p。m鈥斺�攊havebeenthinkingofthestoryoftheoldcashierthesetwodays;itcamesoopportunelyuponthereflectionsmydreamhadsuggestedtome。

    haveinotanimportantlessontolearnfromallthis?

    ifoursensationshaveanincontestableinfluenceuponourjudgments;howesitthatwearesolittlecarefulofthosethingswhichawakenormodifythesesensations?theexternalworldisalwaysreflectedinusasinamirror;andfillsourmindswithpictureswhich;unconsciouslytoourselves;beethegermsofouropinionsandofourrulesofconduct。

    alltheobjectswhichsurroundusarethen;inreality;somanytalismanswhencegoodandevilinfluencesareemitted;anditisforustochoosethemwisely;soastocreateahealthyatmosphereforourminds。

    feelingconvincedofthistruth;isetaboutmakingasurveyofmyattic。

    thefirstobjectonwhichmyeyesrestisanoldmapofthehistoryoftheprincipalmonasteryinmynativeprovince。ihadunrolleditwithmuchsatisfaction;andplaceditonthemostconspicuouspartofthewall。whyhadigivenitthisplace?oughtthissheetofoldworm…eatenparchmenttobeofsomuchvaluetome;whoamneitheranantiquarynorascholar?isnotitsrealimportanceinmysightthatoneoftheabbotswhofoundeditboremyname;andthatishall;perchance;beabletomakemyselfagenealogicaltreeofitfortheedificationofmyvisitors?

    whilewritingthis;ifeelmyownblushese;downwiththemap!

    letusbanishitintomydeepestdrawer。

    asipassedmyglass;iperceivedseveralvisitingcardsplacentlydisplayedintheframe。bywhatchanceisitthatthereareonlynamesthatmakeashowamongthem?hereisapolishcount鈥斺�攁retiredcolonel鈥斺�攖hedeputyofmydepartment。quick;quick;intothefirewiththeseproofsofvanity!andletusputthiscardinthehandwritingofouroffice…boy;thisdirectionforcheapdinners;andthereceiptofthebrokerwhereiboughtmylastarmchair;intheirplace。theseindicationsofmypovertywillserve;asmontaignesays;matermasuperbe;andwillalwaysmakemerecollectthemodestyinwhichthedignityofthelowlyconsists。

    ihavestoppedbeforetheprintshanginguponthewall。thislargeandsmilingpomona;seatedonsheavesofcorn;andwhosebasketisoverflowingwithfruit;onlyproducesthoughtsofjoyandplenty;iwaslookingathertheotherday;whenifellasleepdenyingsuchathingasmisery。letusgiveheraspanionthispictureofwinter;inwhicheverythingtellsofsorrowandsuffering:onepicturewillmodifytheother。

    andthishappyfamilyofgreuzes!whatjoyinthechildrenseyes!

    whatsweetreposeintheyoungwomansface!whatreligiousfeelinginthegrandfatherscountenance!maygodpreservetheirhappinesstothem!

    butletushangbyitssidethepictureofthismother;whoweepsoveranemptycradle。humanlifehastwofaces;bothofwhichwemustdaretocontemplateintheirturn。

    letmehide;too;theseridiculousmonsterswhichornamentmychimneypiece。platohassaidthat〃thebeautifulisnothingelsethanthevisibleformofthegood。〃ifitisso;theuglyshouldbethevisibleformoftheevil;and;byconstantlybeholdingit;themindinsensiblydeteriorates。

    butaboveall;inordertocherishthefeelingsofkindnessandpity;letmehangatthefootofmybedthisaffectingpictureofthelastsleep!

    neverhaveibeenabletolookatitwithoutfeelingmyhearttouched。

    anoldwoman;clothedinrags;islyingbyaroadside;herstickisatherfeet;andherheadrestsuponastone;shehasfallenasleep;herhandsareclasped;murmuringaprayerofherchildhood;shesleepsherlastsleep;shedreamsherlastdream!

    sheseesherself;againastrongandhappychild;keepingthesheeponthemon;gatheringtheberriesfromthehedges;singing;curtsyingtopassers…by;andmakingthesignofthecrosswhenthefirststarappearsintheheavens!happytime;filledwithfragranceandsunshine!shewantsnothingyet;forsheisignorantofwhatthereistowishfor。

    butseehergrownup;thetimeiseforworkingbravely:shemustcutthecorn;threshthewheat;carrythebundlesoffloweringcloverorbranchesofwitheredleavestothefarm。ifhertoilishard;hopeshineslikeasunovereverythinganditwipesthedropsofsweataway。

    thegrowinggirlalreadyseesthatlifeisatask;butshestillsingsasshefulfillsit。

    by…and…byetheburdenbeesheavier;sheisawife;sheisamother!

    shemusteconomizethebreadofto…day;havehereyeuponthemorrow;takecareofthesick;andsustainthefeeble;shemustact;inshort;thatpartofanearthlyprovidence;soeasywhengodgivesushisaid;sohardwhenheforsakesus。sheisstillstrong;butsheisanxious;shesingsnolonger!

    yetafewyears;andallisovercast。thehusbandshealthisbroken;hiswifeseeshimpineawaybythenowfirelesshearth;coldandhungerfinishwhatsicknesshadbegun;hedies;andhiswidowsitsonthegroundbythecoffinprovidedbythecharityofothers;pressinghertwohalf…nakedlittleonesinherarms。shedreadsthefuture;sheweeps;andshedroopsherhead。

    atlastthefuturehase;thechildrenaregrownup;buttheyarenolongerwithher。hersonisfightingunderhiscountrysflag;andhissisterisgone。bothhavebeenlosttoherforalongtime鈥斺�攑erhapsforever;andthestronggirl;thebravewife;thecourageousmother;ishenceforthonlyapooroldbeggar…woman;withoutafamily;andwithoutahome!sheweepsnomore;sorrowhassubduedher;shesurrenders;andwaitsfordeath。

    death;thatfaithfulfriendofthewretched;ise:nothideousandwithmockery;assuperstitionrepresents;butbeautiful;smiling;andcrownedwithstars!thegentlephantomstoopstothebeggar;itspalelipsmurmurafewairywords;whichannouncetohertheendofherlabors;apeacefuljoyesovertheagedbeggarwoman;and;leaningontheshoulderofthegreatdeliverer;shehaspassedunconsciouslyfromherlastearthlysleeptohereternalrest。

    liethere;thoupoorway…weariedwoman!theleaveswillservetheeforawinding…sheet。nightwillshedhertearsofdewoverthee;andthebirdswillsingsweetlybythyremains。thyvisitherebelowwillnothaveleftmoretracethantheirflightthroughtheair;thynameisalreadyforgotten;andtheonlylegacythouhasttoleaveisthehawthornsticklyingforgottenatthyfeet!

    well!someonewilltakeitup鈥斺�攕omesoldierofthatgreathumanhostwhichisscatteredabroadbymiseryorbyvice;forthouartnotanexception;thouartaninstance;andunderthesamesunwhichshinessopleasantlyuponall;inthemidstofthesefloweringvineyards;thisripecorn;andthesewealthycities;entiregenerationssuffer;succeedeachother;andstillbequeathtoeachthebeggarsstick!

    thesightofthissadpictureshallmakememoregratefulforwhatgodhasgivenme;andmorepassionateforthosewhomhehastreatedwithlessindulgence;itshallbealessonandasubjectforreflectionforme。

    ah!ifwewouldwatchforeverythingthatmightimproveandinstructus;ifthearrangementsofourdailylifeweresodisposedastobeaconstantschoolforourminds!butoftenestwetakenoheedofthem。

    manisaneternalmysterytohimself;hisownpersonisahouseintowhichheneverenters;andofwhichhestudiestheoutsidealone。eachofusneedhavecontinuallybeforehimthefamousinscriptionwhichonceinstructedsocrates;andwhichwasengravedonthewallsofdelphibyanunknownhand:

    knowthyself。



 CHAPTER XII

    theendoftheyear

    december30th;p。m。

    iwasinbed;andhardlyrecoveredfromthedeliriousfeverwhichhadkeptmeforsolongbetweenlifeanddeath。myweakenedbrainwasmakingeffortstorecoveritsactivity;mythoughts;likeraysoflightstrugglingthroughtheclouds;werestillconfusedandimperfect;attimesifeltareturnofthedizzinesswhichmadeachaosofallmyideas;andifloated;sotospeak;betweenalternatefitsofmentalwanderingandconsciousness。

    sometimeseverythingseemedplaint
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